My Life is indeed :'(

The Pain, i'd got, wasn't what i expected. 

I didn't knew and expect that these things would happen. Why? I kept repeating this into my mind and kept asking the same questions, Why must it be me? and why must it happen? Despite all the things that i'd done towards them, they don't appreciate but yet, they pushed me away. Yes, that's mean. How could they do this to me and others. Moreover, they knew that, that was not suppose to happen. But, why did they? It's hard for me to believe this cause they are the ones that i trust, but in fact, it actually did happened. The most frustrating thing was that, they LIED. YES, they lied. Isn't that mean? I trusted him, i trusted HIM. but, what did i get in return, A PIECE OF SHIT? this doesn't makes me happy. yes, this sucks.

It's unfair for me and others who did nothing wrong towards them.

Throughout the mistakes that they'd done, no one is even brave enough to call me nor message me nor talk to me. And i mean, no one. What's the point of having them as my friends? And ohh yes, they aren't capable and feasible of being my close friends. they cheated, they lied, they backstabbed, they betrayed us? I'm not here to speak negatively about them. But i'm just disappointed. Upset. Totally upset of why did this happened to me. Furthermore, i can't keep going on like this. Thinking of them, who apparently didn't do anything to refresh all of their mistakes. Tak sangka, he's willing to fool his friends who were willing to sacrifice their time for him. Speechless, though. But whatever that has happened, we're unable to do anything but just endure the pain, and every single shit plus miracle that has happened to us. We could barely do anything, cause it's his decision anyway. Karma is on it's way. So, my dear, be ready. hais.. 

Family problems, why must this happen? Ohh, that's life. 

Had a big fight with my family. Almaklum lah kan, kate umah tompang. So, i have to co-operate and tolerate with their nags and stuffs. But, they're too much and my limits of tolerating their rubbish has gained the maximum point. In fact, it all started where i bloated out of anger and that's where came my bad attitude, where i'd throw things everywhere in the room. till there's this part, where the fan which we used, fell and it was broken. then, it became worst. My daddy came down, and asked me what had happened. I refused to explain, and i was nagging like shit cause i was too frustrated. my uncle shouted, and wanted to drive me out of his house. Which again, i refused and insisted on staying. The matter grew bigger. i decided to pack my bag full of my clothes and walk out of the house, but i didn't knew where to go. I cried non-stop cause i was too confused of what must i do. I was lucky to have Eqa and Chubby around, they made me happy, they were there for me. The ups and downs that had happened towards me, they're still able to be there for me. I'm disappointed with myself. Cause i don't know where and what must i do. Aku keliru, otak aku buntu. mana arah tujuan aku, aku sendiri tatau. what's going on with me? what's gonna happen to me in the future if i keep repeating my mistakes? Everything that i'd done, doesn't seems to satisfy anyone. WHY?! What's happening to me? Everything that i do, doesn't seems to please myself too. CAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT ACTUALLY! MY LIFE IS A MESS. YES. EVERYTHING'S COCK-UP. i'm sorry, but i don't seem to understand myself. and i myself dont know what the hell do i want in life. cause everything doesnt makes me happy. and satisfying too. I DONT GET WHAT I WANT. AND WHAT I NEED TOO. fuck. yes. fuck. fuck. fuck. FML.

Wahai kawan-kawan, dan keluargaku, jangan lah terkejot, kalau suatu hari nanti, aku tak lepak ngan korang, takde kat Tampines, dan takde berita pasal aku. Kalau aku penting sangat bagi korang, aku guarantee, mesti korang tercari-cari aku dan akan rindu aku. Kalau takde apape berita yang korang mencari aku, itu sudah obvious, yang aku tak penting bagi korang. And, sebelum apape terjadi, aku mintak maaf. I'm looking for a better life and better future. I'm looking for happiness. Not sadness. 

JAGA LAH DIRI KORANG MASING-MASING & JANGAN BUAT KERJA BODOH. 

MEMANG AKU TAKDE DEKAT DENGAN KORANG, TAPI, AKU AKAN SELALU MELIHAT KORANG DARI JAUH. SAYANGILAH DIRI KORANG. JANGAN JADI MACAM AKU. MOGA ALLAH MERESTUI DAN MELINDUNGI DIRIMU SELALU, AMIN.

to my family, i'm sorry if i'd did made a big mistake. but i'm trying to make myself independently on myself. i dont wanna trouble anyone, especially mama. i love you guys. as stated above, please do takecare of yourselves. i'll be eye-ing y'all. May Allah Bless you. Amin :'(

GOODBYE EVERYONE. 

*don't worry, i'll still be updating everything here, facebook and everywhere. take care.