outside smiling, inside dying.

i miss him.

yeah, i miss him dearly. why? why must this happen to me?

i've made a mistake, mistakes over and over again. but i dont know why must i be left out?

i'm so sorry ~ i needed you, thats was what the reason of me being like this.

if only i could turn back time and start changing before its even too late.

i miss having him around. i miss everything about him. ALMOST everything.

i'm lonely without him. yes i know, i have my friends. but still, i miss him. i miss him alot.

i really miss him. SO SO MUCH :'(

i aint crying, i dont wanna cry. it shows that im so weak, i dont want to be weak.

where's the path am i gonna lead to? the right one, with the right person. 

no text from you. nothing ~

you wanna leave me hanging all alone? i dont need your pity. i need you, by my side.

okey! back from jalan-jalan dengan Yayat. kebanyakkan kedai semua tutop. haha!

macam orang gila sia kite. abey pat mrt tampines, terserempak kawan Yat.

lelaki woi, dua orang plak tu.

FOFULAR BETOL NIE YAYAT. haha, k dah eh.

then kawan dier nak step mana nye berani nak mintak number aku.

kawan dier pon salam aku macam aper gitu. haha!

then dah gitu, aku cakap ngan Yat, nak jalan ke tak..

teros kite jalan uh, muka aku macam takot-takot. entah lah, ngeri uh aku tgok lelaki2. hehe!

idk why eh. hati masey tertutop kot. haha!

nie aku pat umah Yayat, mendak nak mampos nie. takde orang pat umah. geraaam ~

mama kata dier gi teman Makcik aku pi berubat. wahsey! 

Haha. LOLS, seram menyeram, naek bulu roma i. haha!

OHH YA! aku nak tukar image uh.

kalau boley, nak potong rambot, buat concave. haha!

entah jambu ke tidak, check2 tidak. H A H A H A ~

hmm, aku kesunyian takde Kekel. Aku tatau uh, tatau pada sape aku nak luahkan lagi perasaan aku.

Yat dah jelak ngan cerita sedih aku. dier yang cakap gitu. hampa pulak rasanya. 

and yeah, that hurts ~ 

aku kalau boley kan, nak jaohkan diri dari sape-sape. but that just shows im running away from problems, and not admitting my fault for doing such stupid mistakes. HAIS ~

sejak dua menjak nie, aku asek-asek mengeluh. 

Hati aku rasa tak sedap nie, aku tatau kenapa. Asal nie Eeqa?..

Sedihnye aku, no wonder no one even dares to text me. 

cause aku have not being respectful towards anybody..

and im being too selfish, childish plus RUDE ~

i wanna see him happy, and im happy when he's happy.

URGH, LIES. FAKE FEELINGS, FAKE SMILE. 

unusual kinda feeling, i'm once a strong girl, but suddenly, it sinks and moreover,

it turns so weak. im sucha loser. 

BIG FAT LAME LOSER, yes i am. After all that ive done, not realising my mistakes, it really pulls me down when everything turns to what ive not expected all this while until one day, the one i love so damn much left me, leaving me hanging all alone. 

i'm sick and tired of being sad, i'm sick of crying and i'm sick of telling people how much i care and love them, even after what i did towards them. yet, what i get was. SHIT.

i'm tired of everything that i'm doing. i have no life but yet i know i do have it.

only the feelings that i get, wasnt that much to impress of. 

and wasnt that what i'm proud of. yes, i do appreciate life and i do love my life .. it's only that i dont know how to perbetulkan hidop aku nie. what i know is, mistakes. regret. pain. 

most of the time, my life, i spent with hurt feelings.

i have to leave him, cause i dont wanna hurt him anymore. 

berat hati i nak tinggalkan dier, tapi nak buat macam mana. its for the best of him.

dier pon dah tak kuasa nak layan karena aku. dah tak boley tahan dengan perangai aku.

sampai sey hati aku asek buat dier menderita.

but whatever it is, kau tetap dalam hati aku. and i'm sorry for everything that i've done. i'm really sorry.

aku menyesal. aku rasa bersalah, itu sahaja yang aku merasakan skrg.

HAMPA DENGAN DIRI AKU. KECEWA DENGAN KELAKUAN AKU.

AKU NIE BODOH, TATAU BEZAKAN MANA YANG BAIK DAN MANA YANG KEJAM.

aku tau mana kesilapan aku sekarang. and i'm so regretting of what had happened. 

ohh ya, and i'm desperately missing him. 

He doesnt text, call. and i miss him miss calling me. talking on the phone.

joking around with him, and more. his smile, his laughters, his irritating-ness. his my everythin, but i'm unsure whether is he still thinking bout me? 

he says he miss having me around the other day, but now? urghh ~

im not in a good mood. i just suck, at times. ohh well ~

time to change eeqa. and yes, i have to change no matter how hard it is. i have to let go. and i must move on. its hard, its really hard. i feel like giving up. but no, i would not want to.

Ohh my dear, i just can't live without you around.

i wanna be with you, i wanna stay with you. 

i'm bad, imma bad friend, indeed. 

i'm just the same like the dumped rubbish being left unsaid.