it hurts, the most when....

IT HURTS THE MOST WHEEENNN..... ~

it hurts more on the days like these, on the days where i feel the worst and the days that i need you to be most nice to me and all you do is find me irritating and annoying, these days hurt the most the ones where i need you more than anyone else even when i'm not up in making you happy and i feel like i'd just bother you. these days hurt the most where i convince myself that i love you more than you do. and that any girl you speak to has the power to take you away, it's the days like these where i haven't even got the energy to argue to myself and telling myself that i'm the one that you want or that no one will ever replace me. these are the days that hurt and i just want you to put your arms around me, and promise that it will always be me. put up with me when im feeling like this. and don't keep telling me that you're always there, but prove it by being consistently there being by side, knowing whats the meaning of, 'I'm fine, and doing good' when its actually the opposite way. not changing on how the way you treated me, cause i love it when you're always there, hugging me. pampering me like no other people had did towards me.  but you don't, and these were the days that really hurts the most.

when my heart says, let go. move on. be wise, i guess i have to follow.

but somehow, i feel neglected and kinda confused. cause i've always been thinking of him even though that i'm busy working, laughing at work, or even when i'm with my friends.

dammit, what do i even bother when he himself don't?! and i'm very sure that he dont even cared bout me anymore now! he has peace now. his life is in peace without me. or rather i shall say, he doesnt want me in his life anymore! why do i even bother?! OHH GOD! show me the way. the right one. i don't wanna think anything about this, but sometimes, it just turn out so badly, even my heart is saying, that i miss someone in my life badly.. who else?! who else if its not the one that i'm sooo close to, the one that i care so much! the one that i love, adore, pamper.

DAMMIT LIFE! why do i have to feel this way? 

FCUK FCUK FCUUUUUUUUUUK ~

HAHA! just now, when i was leaving home for work, mummy and granny sent me to the lift. 

*AWWW! HOW MANJAAA?!* THEN, there's this auntie, our block neighbour, was inside the lift, dier cakap aper tau, 

AUNTIE: sape tuu? mak dengan nenek eh?

EEQA: aah, yang itu mak, yang sebelah tu nenek. hehe (:

AUNTIE: waah, manjaa nye! manja eh dgn dorg? anak yang bongsu lah nie?

EEQA: a'ah anak bongsu, manja..! ehehe. kenapa cik?..

AUNTIE: wah, sayang betul dorang dengan awak eh? bagus tuu.. kalau orang tua sayang dengan awak, bagus tau, hidop awak selamat tau. 

*dah keluar lift...*

AUNTIE: ingat eh nak, dorang sayang awak tau. selamat tau hidop awak nanti. (:

EEQA: terima kasih, cik. hati-hati nye? (:

i was so damn shocked! haha, and i'm very touched.. atleast i know, even though got some other people say, im sucha loser or no one even bother, i still have two lovely elderlies ~ which is my Mom, and my grandmother. you know, sometimes they can be so damn naggy and irritating. but at times, they are very lovely. i must not forget the budi yang dorang telah berikan, dan taburkan throughout my 17years of life. i do love them, and with the encouragement that my mom gave me, i hope, i could change for the best of my future. INSYAALLAH, i'll find the way. and yes, i agree. EVERYTHING THAT HAS A DECLARATION OR A NAME, NAMELY 'MOTHER', is the best after all :') Thanks mama, for all the sacrifices. the love that you've showered to me, the pamper. the patience that you've suffered, the pain. you still remain and maintain strong for your children, especially me. ily ~

Thanks Mak, kerana mak telah banyak buat benda utk eeqa, belanja eeqa. tolong eeqa masak, belai eeqa. dan segalanya. sayang mak jugak ~

I SEEK FORGIVENESS TO THE BOTH OF YOU, AND I HOPE AND PRAY HARD THAT YOU WILL BE BLESSED BLISSFULLY BY ALLAH S.W.T, AMIN :')

huhu ^.^ i love being all so emotional. cause my sentence in english is going and doing very well. but on some mistakes, i guess there are some mixtures of eng plus malay in one sentence. haha! i love all of my family. i miss my abang, i miss my nieces. ADEK AND KAKAK, i will visit you when i'm free okay honey? ILY BOTH, MY LOVELY NIECES, DIAN AND DEELA (':

till here then my blog ends, read it, and understand it. goodnight love-lies (: takecare.

i repeat, take care of yourself (: CAUSE ALLAH WILL ALWAYS BE BY YOUR SIDE. amin.